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I Hate Craps,
Sweetie, But I LOVE The Profit I thought you hated all the
time and effort that Ive spent practicing and playing craps, honey? Now you want to go to the casino and watch me
play craps almost every day. What made you
decide to become my PARTNER? asked the craps player standing next to me at the
table. With an enthusiastic smile, his wife
replied, I hate craps, sweetie, but I LOVE the PROFIT! I couldnt help but overhear
that discussion the other day as I was playing at Arizona Charlies East out on
Boulder Highway in Las Vegas. The single
moderately busy medium-long table offers a great $2 game, plus the dealers and the table
surface are near-perfect for Precision-Shooting the dice without irritation, hassle or
interference. When this fellows wife
departed for the washroom, he said to me in a low-volume conspiratorial-tone, that he had
received twelve kinds of hell from her over all the time and effort that he had been
spending on craps over the years. She had
always complained that instead of watching TV with her, he wasted his evening
hours practicing his dice-shooting at home on the their pool table. She had long whined that instead of wanting to go
to shopping with her on the weekend, he always wanted to spend four or five hours at the
local casino, or perfecting his craft at home. When he honestly reported his minor
financial losses, she shook her head in disgust, or occasionally shook her finger in
anger. When he honestly reported his frequent
minor financial gains and rare major wins, she had told him that, everybody gets
lucky sometimes, and he shouldnt confuse luck with skill. Over the years, her disgust for the game had aged
into a kind of resigned loathing. She had not
been the poster-girl of encouragement for his efforts. Recently, however, all of that had
changed. His shooting had become more consistent, and the profit from his own rolls had
really started to tumble in. Being the
faithful and dutiful husband, he had installed a new backyard deck and patio with some of
the winnings. He had also purchased their
first new car in six years. Although it was a
lower-priced mid-level vehicle, he paid for it solely from his casino profit.
He proudly stated that it was the first new car that he had ever paid for without a
bank-loan or dealer-financing. Since early September, his wife had
actually been somewhat more approving of his casino play.
She now accompanied him, to provide moral support and encouragement. When the dice were coming around to his position
at the table, she stood nearby at a respectful distance so as not to disturb him. Having seen me have a number of successful hands
with the dice too, he seemed to be happy to share all of this news with someone who
understood the difficulty of getting to be really good at shooting them. I guess the shared knowledge of knowing just what
it takes to get to this point made him feel like he could open up to me. He offered that their marriage had
entered a renaissance period where there was a kind of renewed playfulness and romance
that had long disappeared more than 30 years earlier.
He snorted a kind of laugh when he said that besides being his wife, she had
evolved into a Financial Advisor in the casino and a Sexual Guru in the bedroom. I didnt
have ANY comments to add to that mental
picture, but I nodded a knowing smile in response. I smiled because I knew that his
wife had entered that rarified zone where some women like to be. Thats the zone where their husbands
earnings have eclipsed their own expectations, and where thoughts of endless shopping
trips, a decent nest-egg in the bank and conspicuous consumption after year upon year of
self-imposed thriftiness change from fantasy into reality. Very few men believe in
Precision-Shooting. Even fewer women believe
in it. Obviously, a miniscule number of
either of them will ever give Precision-Shooting anything more than just a passing attempt
at the craps table. If applying discipline,
maturity, and commitment to casino gambling is difficult for most players, imagine the
level of discipline and commitment required to control your bankroll, control your
emotions, control your drinking, and then trying to control the dice on a consistent basis
as well. It is difficult, and I wouldnt
want anyone to think otherwise. On the other
hand, it IS NOT impossible. With the right
amount of all of those things, and a great deal of skillful practice, it becomes downright
PROBABLE! Just as importantly, please know
that the transition-zone where skeptical spouses become enchanted believers, is one where
the game of craps takes on a much higher level of enjoyment for the both of you. That
little encounter at Arizona Charlies got me to thinking about spouses, and the role
they play in our quest for casino profit. Without
their acceptance, it makes the entire effort much more difficult. WITH their support and encouragement, your chances
of success increase dramatically and exponentially. WITHOUT
their support and encouragement, you have yet another major obstacle to overcome. I am
not a politically-correct person, or at least that is what my friends would have you
believe. Now to put that into perspective, some of my friends make Andrew Dice Clay seem
tame, and a few others have been under federal-indictment more times than most people have
been inside a church, so their opinion may be a little tainted. I took
a less-than-scientific-sampling of some fellow Precision-Shooters who make a living from
this game. The results may be a little skewed
because a lot of us come from the shallow-end of the gene-pool, and a few of us have dived
into that shallow-end, head-first, if you know what I mean!
A group
of us talked about what it takes for a guy to get his wife and/or girlfriend on side
about perfecting this art. For the purpose of
this discussion, Ill assume that you are male, and that your spouse is female. If its the other way around, or you are in a
same-sex relationship, then be offended, but dont let that stop you from reading
this. Ive
mentioned before, that there are not many women who have fantasies about marrying a professional
gambler. Unless she has illusions about
having a Clarke Gable riverboat-gambler marriage, shed probably prefer a
professional businessman or someone with high-paying useful trade-skills. Lets face it, most people prefer the
predictability of a steady paycheck, instead of do-or-die performance-oriented earnings. Most successful sales-professionals will vocally
disagree with that statement, and who could blame them.
They make as much money, or as little money, as their skills allow. I LIKE
that concept, and I apply it to my Precision-Shooting as well. It can be a VERY profitable pursuit, but it isnt
easy. A lot of men, and almost EVERY woman
see it more as an unlikely, if not impossible dream.
In their minds, some wives will think that some men may be able to do it,
but their husband WONT BE ONE OF THEM. Perhaps
they feel that way because they wash their husbands dirty underwear. To understand why most women dont
see craps the same way that we do; we have to look at the difference in core-values that
we have, versus what they hold near and dear. Perhaps there should be a set of Rules that Guys Wish Women Knew,
such as:
ü
If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We
refuse to answer. If we have to answer, then
you are forcing us to LIE, and either way, your feelings are sure to get hurt.
ü
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; then expect
an answer you dont want to hear.
ü
Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
ü
Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
ü
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon, or the changing of the
tides. Dont try to change that, just let it be.
ü
Shopping is not a sport, and NO, we are never going to think of
it that way.
ü
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really!
ü
Crying is blackmail.
ü
No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
ü
Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss
sometimes.
ü
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
ü
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question you ask us.
ü
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That
is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
ü
Anything we said 18 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
All comments become null and void after 7 days.
ü
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
ü
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.
ü
Don't rub the magic-lamp if you don't want the genie to come
out.
ü
You can either ASK us to do something, or TELL us how you want
it done, but not both.
ü
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials, or wait until half-time.
ü
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out.
ü
All men see in only 16 colors, like MS-Windows default settings,
so Peach is a fruit, not a color.
ü
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
ü If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize
about having sex with her. But dont worry, the fantasy includes you AND her,
together. Okay, so how do we make measurable and incremental improvements
in the Craps-As-A-Supplemental-Income department? And how do you convince your spouse that all the
time and effort that you are spending on perfecting your craft will pay dividends in the
future? Well explore that in Part Two.
Until then
Good Luck & Good Skill at the Tables
and in
Life. By: The Mad Professor
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