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I Hate Craps, Sweetie, But I LOVE The Profit!
Part II

In the first part of this article we explored why our wives and/or girlfriends give most guys so much hassle about perfecting their Precision-Shooting.   We agree that there are physical as well as psychological differences in the sexes.  Now don’t get me wrong, I really love women.  No, let me restate that.  I really, REALLY L-O-V-E women.  The problem is that sometimes it just happens to be more than one woman at the same time.  Some girlfriends and/or wives have a real problem with that.   Go figure!

While I adore women, I also know that they can sometimes be difficult to get along with.  Occasionally during the month, they can be downright nasty, and your craps playing and the time you spend perfecting your craft can be an easy target for them.  Mostly it’s because they don’t understand what we are trying to achieve, but at other times it’s because they know that it’s something that WE like, and that makes it a target-rich environment for a crampy, angry, or just plain water-retaining woman. 

I’ve long held that instead of sending battle-hardened Special Forces like the Navy SEALS, or the Green Berets, or the Army Rangers, or the Delta Force into Afghanistan; we could send just five American women who have PMS, and they could wipe out Osama and all of his cronies REAL fast. 

Now, how can you tell if a woman has PMS (Pre-Menstrual Syndrome) and that your dice-setting practice sessions should be curtailed for a while?  Here’s a few tell-tale signs:

       She stops reading Glamour Magazine and starts reading Guns ‘N’ Ammo. 

       She considers chocolate as a major FDA food group. 

       She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom. 

       She's developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360-degree circles. 

       She retains more water than Lake Superior. 

       She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her new semi-automatic handgun and "chambers one." 

       She buys a new T-shirt “just for you”, and it has a bulls-eye on the front. 

       You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says, "All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?" 

       She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden Axe-Murderer School of Charm.

       Her latest bedside book is titled “How to Neuter Your Husband in Two Easy Steps”.  

       She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, and a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, all for herself, and then throws a hammer-lock on the pimply-faced manager because they're out of Diet Coke.

Okay, so how do we make measurable and incremental improvements in the “Craps-As-A-Supplemental-Income” department?  And how do you convince your spouse that all the time and effort that you are spending on perfecting your craft will pay dividends in the future? 

The best way to do that, is to make your craps playing as profitable as possible, and to do it as quickly as possible. Easier said than done, but it IS achievable. 

More than a decade ago, I wasn’t bright enough to know that practicing at home before I set foot into the casino would have saved me thousands upon thousands of dollars in losses.  I spent a ton of real money as I was improving my Precision-Shooting skills right there in real-world casinos. I figured that since there was so much variance from table to table in each of the casinos, it made no sense to practice at home on yet another different surface.  

What I didn’t realize was that I could practice both the mechanical side of the throw and the muscle-memory side of the throw without putting one measly dollar at risk at the gaming tables.  That too would have saved me close to $100,000 in loses as I worked my attempted magic with the dice.  Oh well, that is ancient history now.  It’s been about ten years since I had to endure those losses.  The pain has disappeared, but the memory remains.

It is exactly for that reason that I now advocate at-home practice.  I recently proved it to myself, when I developed and then practiced my new “Long-Ranger” throw.   You can read about it in my Long Tables = Po$$ibilitie$ series of articles.  I actually practiced in the middle of the Nevada, Arizona and Utah desert over a number of days.  It was that non-casino practice time, with no cash was at risk, which gave me the opportunity to polish the new throw.  Previously, I would have abdicated the attempt after a short period, because of the losses real-casino experimentation would have cost.

The real question here is, “How can we help our spouses understand what we are trying to do with the dice, and how can we reduce the stress that all the practice time and casino play adds to our relationship?”

Being the emotionally-detached, logical, rational, coherent, Type-A personality alpha-males that we are; we have to approach this problem, systematically.   Since we won’t find the answers to this in a Cosmo or Ms. Magazine questionnaire check-list, we must break the problem down into easily digestible chunks of logic.   Let’s look at the elements that will help achieve our goal.  They’ll have to include each of the following items, which will show us how to:

       Improve our throwing consistency.

       Share time with the woman or women that we love.

       Convince them that the time we spend practicing will pay dividends in the NEAR future.

       Bring them into the entire process without hindering our progress.

       Remain focused on our goals.

       Combine all of these things, without driving our partner or our selves crazy.

How can we do ALL of those things AT THE SAME TIME?

Whew, that’s quite a task to achieve. Let’s take an individual look at each element.


       We want to improve our throwing consistency.  To accomplish that, it’s going to take practice, and a LOT of it.  That means spending a certain number of hours each week that are dedicated to perfecting the art.  Having a Practice Layout as described elsewhere on Irishsetter’s site is an excellent idea.  When we get the “mechanics” of the throw perfected, you will be surprised at how consistent your Precision-Shooting will become.

       We want to share time with the woman or women that we love.   Okay, for practical reasons, let’s limit it to ONE woman at a time, because having two or more is like juggling chainsaws going full rip, unless everyone is in full agreement to those kinds of arrangements.  You can explain to your wife just what it is that you are trying to accomplish, and then bring her into the equation by ASKING for her help.  Inviting her into the inner-sanctums of your soul will be a rare, if unusual, treat for the both of you. If she will assist you by charting the numbers that you throw, you will be better able to analyze not only signature-number trends, but you will be able to focus on your throwing-technique, rather than making notes between every throw.  She can also “book” any bet variations that you make during each hand.  That is, you could have her write down your initial bet, then as the hand progresses, you could have her make +/- payouts on paper as your “bets” come in or fall.  This requires loads of patience from both of you.  The exercise is worth it.  Consider it an investment in your future happiness.  There may be some discomfort now, just as your initial experimentation with shooting may be disappointing.  But stick with both ideas, and you will see discernable and marked progress within a fairly short time.

       Convince your wife that the time we spend practicing will pay dividends in the NEAR future.  If you have her participate as suggested in the item above, she should see some steady progress over a number of weeks.  Since you put the date on each “session” that you practice, the both of you should see some steady, concrete improvement.  When that proves out on paper, you can proceed to the next point.

       Bring your spouse into the entire process without hindering your own progress.  By explaining that the “in-casino” experience is a little more stressful than it is when practicing at home, she will understand when you tell her that you need a little more mental as well as physical space at the casino.  As a trade-off, you could offer to split any profit with her.  It not only shows how kind and considerate you are as a spouse, it proves to her that she is truly your partner.  While fear and greed are the basest of motivators, CASH is a strong belief-lubricant, as well as an aphrodisiac for some women.

       It takes a lot of courage to say to your wife, “I’d really like to be able to use any profit that WE earn from craps to augment our family income.”  Now I’m not suggesting that you quit your job or anything like that. Rather, you are saying that you believe that if you improve your Precision-Shooting to the point where it generates a decent amount of money, then, you’d like to be able to treat her and your family to a few more extravagant indulgences.  Remaining focused on the goal that you initially set is difficult.  As soon as you say it out loud to someone that you know, love and respect; you are making a stronger commitment than if it was just a silent wish you made to yourself.

       Combining all of these things, without driving you and your partner crazy, is a VERY difficult thing.  It bears repeating to say that if Precision-Shooting was easy, everyone would be doing it.   It is not easy, but it is achievable.  You simply have to make the commitment, and then do everything necessary to accomplish it. The practice time, the focus, the dedication and commitment, plus the cooperation of your spouse is necessary.

I guess we’re really talking about making your wife or girlfriend, your ally in this effort.  It is a lot easier if they are supportive of your goals.  The closer you can bring them to understand the game, and what it is you are trying to achieve, the easier it will be to get to the promised land.

Hey, when you do get there, please remember the commitment that you made to her about not just being your wife, SHE’S YOUR PARTNER.  In Part Three, we’ll look how to put all of this into practical use.  Until then…

Good Luck & Good Skill at the Tables…and in Life.

By:  The Mad Professor

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