From the Editor: The
End is Near, This is the End
First, I want to report a record number
of emails commenting on last month’s newsletter article on Table
Manners by our colleague at
Playing4keeps.com. Either ya’ll read the May news, or it hit a nerve.
The summation of communication… “Anyone who plans to play craps needs to
read Table Manners before even thinking about playing craps.”
Next, the newsletter is late… ya’think? I
was playing hooky in the City of Dreams. No, not really, I was playing
craps and poker. Soft Touch was busy herself so when the Queen Bee was
away, the cat flew to Las Vegas. No war stories. Hooked up with the Dice
Coach for some laughs, and paid the rent.
The June newsletter that was in the
barrel got ejected for inspiration from the enlightenment that shined from
the email letter following below, in just a bit.
Normally, I don’t make edits to letters
to the editor, typos, misspellings and grammar error are kept as is.
However, I have children and being a math guy, I figured the odds. One or
two others out of the thousands of DS.com subscribers have kids too. At
the same time, I felt it important that the dice setting community have a
similar gut-shot reaction that I had, when I opened my email after
returning from Vegas.
Okay, short war story… I played several
strip casinos. I was welcomed at every game. Oh, and I set the dice every
throw. I did not hit the back wall every time. Sometimes, a die even
jumped over the wall and it rolled on down the hall. Jim Morrison has a
song about walking on down the hall. I think the lyrics are in the tune
The End. Click it on, and listen while you read on.
Anyway, back to letters to “Ed”. I pasted
the email into this newsletter and placed an asterisk within certain words
to protect the innocent. Although, the asterisks do little to disguise
certain words, it softens the impact. Be forewarned, it could still be
offensive and you may wish to cut losses now and exit this
newsletter…maybe disengage from the You Tube also. Cheers.
Okay, if you are still here, I received a
rather blunt note from an alleged casino pit boss that wanted me to know
how miserable DS.com was making his life. Apparently dice setting idiots
reading this shoddy web site are about to put an end to the table game of
craps. Thank goodness it is not because dice setters are taking it to the
counting room’s bottom line. It seems that we are just a bunch of arses,
mucking up the game, and causing distress to the operators of the game. It
seems that you are just wasting your time along with the other 20+
thousand monthly hits to the site.
Gaming is no doubt the financial focus of
anyone who is conscious about the public’s fascination with gambling.
Although our uncle has clamped down on U.S. players from on-line risk,
other countries are still in business. Revenue, just from mobile devices
last year, accounted for… are you ready for this… $10,000,000,000. If I
got the zeros right that figure should read ten billion dollars. If you
are sitting down, better stand up. If you are standing, better sit down.
In the next few years, like three, the figure is going to jump by 640%.
Now, if you struggle with the payouts with casino odds, take it easy. Drop
all the zeros and simply multiply 10 X 6.4 and then say the word billion.
Yep, 64 billion.
Next question, how long do you think it
is going to take uncle to figure out he’s missing out? Heck, even two or
three states are cashing big time on what was once banned herbal mood
enhancer. The NSA is even looking at sites like DS.com, which is promoting
absolute nonsense, so gotta be careful and not use the word marijuana
Anyway, once the flood gates are open and
“casino corporate” decides all the extra patrons from noxious dice setting
web sites are too much to bother with, they’ll put an end to dice setting.
Maybe even the game. That should also take care of disgruntled pit bosses
and them having to be pleasant to the customers. On that day, I guess playing
craps in my underwear well have to do. On the plus side I won’t have to
fly to Vegas. I’ll not miss having my genitals fondled by moronic TSA,
high school drop-outs, that are rude enough to be casino bosses, but
couldn’t hack the fourth grade math test to qualify. It will also provide
me a few extra bucks in savings on hotels and restaurants by staying home
to play craps on-line. Hey, Miss Bucket, how’s that for a bunch of run-on
Anyway, not to prejudice you here. The
email is coming up followed by The End survey. Thanks for
the good times y’all. It has been a great ride. Seven out, line away.
The Pit Bull [mailto:withheld@XXX.com]
Sent: Thursday, June 19, 2014 7:08 PM
You know something? You guys have
ruined the game of craps. Dicesetting is a bunch of bullsh*t and has
caused me more stress and grief than anything else in my life.
Everyone who wants to play craps goes
online, looks at your sh*tty website and then comes and tries to pull
all the bullsh*t you are feeding them.
In my opinion if you don't shoot the
dice into the wall it is not a roll, Kissing the wall or dropping one
short is not an option and will never be one on my game. Dicesetting is
at best a poor attempt at cheating.
The casino's are all tired of putting
up with this and soon setting the dice will no longer be allowed on the
games. Not because it works but because it causes too many problems.
Dice setting is just like teaching a
pig to sing. You are wasting your time "and mine" and it annoys the
So please just take that sh*t down
before we all lose it.
The Pit Bull
Click here for
The End - Survey
Before closing, and in the name of free
speech and guns, in all the years of playing craps, blackjack and poker,
not one casino has ever provided me with printed rules of the games, let
alone posted them on a near by wall. How is a beginner of the game
supposed to know what they don’t know? [Especially after all the shoddy,
free information gaming websites, which promote gaming to potential casino
customers, (free of charge), are all closed down, in order to keep casino
operators happy.] True, a few casinos have free craps lessons, usually at
ten in the morning for about an hour, in which they cover all the bets…in
about an hour. Otherwise it is “plan B”. “Oh, just belly up with your
cabbage kid. If you don’t do it right kid, the big man in the thousand
dollar suit with too tight Italyan slippers will s’plain it to you in
plain “East Coast” language. You’re sure to understand or go running home
like a sissy to your momma.” Nice job Bull, a little light on customer
appreciation maybe, but what the heck, in another year a new crop of
twenty-one year olds will be knock’n down the doors begging for you to
take their innocents.
I don’t get it. Pit Bull has enough time
on his hands to bully me, but not the simple sense of publishing the
casino’s expectations of all the things causing him and all the rest of
the casinos stress from the “idiots” still reading this junk. [Yes, I
know, even if he did, the idiots won’t read it…] But, you know what? It is
simple enough for Bull to copy and paste stuff I have published here,
never mind from all the others who have written about appropriate play to
avoid casino heat. Okay, Bull would have to wade through over 2,000 pages,
but it is here.
I suppose I could create a special
page, How to Avoid Heat. One hand on the dice, don't let your drunk
girlfriend slobber all over the dice, (or boyfriend) don't raise the dice
above the chip rail, you must hit the back wall with both dice,
don’t take longer than five seconds, don’t make late bets, don’t enjoy
what you are doing, it’s only a game, don't expect to win,…yada yada, but this is the end, so no
point. Heck, I just published an article last month about proper etiquette
for craps players by what’s his name…? Doesn’t matter.
In education, when Billy can’t read, the
teacher teaches Billy to read. When Billy can't do the math, the teacher
teaches Billy how to do the math. When Billy can’t behave, the teacher
punishes Billy for not knowing how to behave. It seems that casino
management abides by the same protocol used by public schools. If a player
does not know the expectations for a craps game, then it’s the player’s
fault. When Billy can’t hit the back wall and takes too long with the
dice…It the fault of Dicesetter.com. I can’t argue with crazy. Crazy is
right. Shut it all down. But what’s crazy going to do for fun. Guess there
is always music lessons for pigs.
Twenty-four years of casino play and not
once have I had the experience that my business was not welcomed. Guess my
friend, that this is the end. My beautiful friend, the end.
I don’t think that I’ll be see’n ya at
the tables… It will have to be in space…cyber. Ciao.
If you’re feeling a little blue now, try
with Buddy Guy.