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Ask the Mad Professor
Part 6
(read part I
here or Part 2
here or Part 3
here or
here for part 4 or
here for part5 )
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous
and does not use a condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one
morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he
immediately goes to see his doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like
this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the
doctor says, "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says,
"Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc." The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no
known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror,
"Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!" The doctor replies, "Well it's
your choice. Go ahead if you want, but
surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the
man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The
Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I
already know that, but what can you do? My
American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!" The Chinese doctor shakes
his head and laughs, "Stupid American doctor! American doctor, always want to
operate. Make more money, that way. No need to operate!" "Oh thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes!" says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall
off all by itself!
Im working
through all the questions that everyone has sent in.
Heres a few more.
Q: |
I have read all of your
Walking
with a Vegas Ghost articles.
They would make a great movie, I really mean it.
Anyway, please tell me that you are going to write at least a couple more of
installments. When I read them, I feel like I
am right there with you and Mel. |
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A: |
I still see Mel once or twice
each week. Weve played craps together a
few times since the last Vegas Ghost articles. I could probably put together three or four more
articles in the series. The problem is that
most of his stories would either compromise his current job, or would re-open some
long-closed Gaming Commission investigations. I
have to tread VERY lightly on what I can actually write when telling you about his
experiences. |
Q: |
Have you seen any of those free Las Vegas
magazines like Whats On, Today in Las Vegas, Tour Guide, and Vegas Today? There is always a rack of them in a couple of
hotels that we frequent. Do you ever clip the
coupons or use the 2-4-1 offers in them? |
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A: |
Those magazines that you mentioned are full
of some neat casino offers. Car rental
discounts, free decks of casino cards or dice, free shot glasses at the Hard Rock Casino,
various buffet discounts, numerous 2-for-1 food offers, Fun Books, free entry into the
Imperial Palace Car Collection, free Rick Thomas show tickets at the Trop, and of course
free entry into the Gambling Hall of Fame which is also at the Tropicana, are just a few
of the coupons that can be found therein. To
answer your question, no, I do not use them, but I do keep a small selection of the better
ones so that I can hand them out to visiting friends who want to do a fun book/free
show/free souvenir/free entry run. |
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Q: |
Did you ever stay at the Debbie Reynolds
Hotel? Do you have any specific memories of
it? |
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A: |
I never stayed there, but I did play there
before she took over the Paddleboat Casino and converted it. She made it into a slot-only house, but I did see
her and Rip Torns show one night. I
called to make reservations, and asked when show-time was.
The room-captain asked what time we could be there for, and theyd
start the show then. My group of four people
were the only ones in the audience on that particular Thursday night. We had never met her previously, but Debbie came
down to join us both before and after the show. I
knew then that her bankruptcy couldnt be far off. |
As a side-note, the Greek Isles Casino
recently re-opened in its stead. I
havent been inside it yet, but I know that it is still slots-only. I also understand that business is picking up.
Q: |
Do you use one of those Slot Cards at each place that you play at? |
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A: |
Yes, I use a
Players Card at every casino that has one. I
want all my play to be rated to maximize comp benefits.
If I think that a casino has flagged my account for surveillance to
monitor my play, then I do not use it. |
Q: |
I go to Vegas several times a year. Where would I most likely find you playing. I know that you kinda want to protect your
identity, but Id like to see you shoot. Where
would I most likely bump into you, and how would I know that it is you? |
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A: |
I play in most of the casinos in Vegas, but I
do play at some places more than others. A
quick scan of my articles will tell you the ones that I play at most often. |
As to identity, now thats a prickly
subject. I would recommend that you survey
the tables for ALL Precision-Shooters. Some
are better than others, while some are MUCH better than most. You want to determine which
ones are most likely to earn you money. Bet with them, and avoid most other shooters until
they prove their abilities to you.
Q: |
You said that your girlfriend doesnt
play craps that much, but she shoots the dice really great.
How does she do so well? Does she
practice in the hotel room before a session? What
does she do when shes not playing with you? |
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A: |
First of all, let me say
that I let her play with me EVERY chance I get!! Oh,
you were talking about CRAPS! She has a
knack for doing well when she throws, and is very relaxed when she shoots. She is gregarious and out-going with the crew and
with fellow players. Sometimes they are so
engaged in conversation, the dealers just go through their payout routine as a minor
disruption to their ongoing conversation with her. I
have noticed that they make a large number of payout errors in her favor. I tip accordingly. She says that she doesnt really bear-down
to target her throws. Rather, she says that
she just uses the same pitch over and over and over again, and doesnt
over-think the throws. The
consistency is pretty amazing when you consider that she is hesitant to raise her bets
unless the dice-crew keeps encouraging her to do so.
I just shake my head and smile wryly, as I collect my bets. |
Q: |
When you are in Las Vegas, do you ever drive
to any of the outlying areas? If so, where do
you like to play? What are the local casinos
like? |
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A: |
I
play at most of the local casinos in Vegas.
They have a smaller, friendlier feel than the larger Strip resorts. Due to the larger number of local residents who
play on a regular basis, the dealers quickly learn and remember names, faces and betting
methods. |
Dealer tips in the local
joints are quite a bit lower, so they appreciate it, and service the hell out of a tipper. The neighborhood places can get pretty busy,
especially at the low-limit tables. Off-hours
are a little different than on the Strip, as are the food offerings in the restaurants. The best values are found in the Buffets, while
the gourmet rooms are a little less posh than their LV Boulevard counterparts. However, quality is almost equal and pricing is
significantly lower. Entertainment is
generally skewed towards a new-country theme.
Some of my favorites in
North LV, are at houses like Santa Fe Station, Texas Station, and Fiesta. Out on Boulder Highway, I like Sams Town,
Boulder Station, Arizona Charlies East, Showboat, and Boulder Station. In South LV, I play at Silverton, Sunset Station,
Reserve Station, plus a couple of small casinos out in Henderson, and Lake Las Vegas. I enjoy the two Summerlin casinos; Suncoast and
the Regent in west LV.
Q: |
I like your insight and attitude.
I was wondering if you could give us your personal opinion on all of the
Strip casinos. I know thats a big
request, but we respect your opinion, and we like reading about Las Vegas from your
perspective. We dont get there more
than once or twice every two or three years. |
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A: |
My opinion might be of limited value because
I view casinos somewhat differently than most occasional visitors do. There are a number of excellent sites like Las
Vegas On-Lines lvol.com site, which rates the casinos and provides
visitor comments. However, in an upcoming
article, I will provide my thoughts from a Precision-Shooters point-of-view. |
Q: |
Do you ever eat at the famous buffets of Vegas, or do you
stick to the better restaurants? |
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A: |
If we are not dining at a restaurant, we will
visit a few buffets. The variety and
quality is pretty good. Believe it or not, a
couple of the ones that I like are NOT on everyones Best of the Best lists. |
We each have our own tastes, and I dont
need to pay $24.99 for a buffet, if Id be perfectly happy with one at the Orleans of
equal or greater quality for $9.99. I
havent actually paid for a buffet since 1993, but what I am trying to say is that
price does not always equal quality. A
point-of-fact would be the Rio Seafood Buffet. Even
when the Rio mails us comps for their $27.95 extravaganza, we give them away to friends or
acquaintances. Some people will think that is
heresy, but we have found that the quality has diminished significantly over the past two
years. Some of our current favorites are Main
Street Station, Paris, Bellagio, Mirage, Alladin, Golden Nugget and Texas Station.
Q: |
Do you ever use the various monorails between
the resorts, or do you always use a limo or something? |
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A: |
I rarely use casino or airport limos. One of the rare exceptions is if I have friends
coming into McCarran Airport or Hughes Aviation, and my car isnt big enough for the
group or their luggage. In that case, I will
arrange for a casino-limo to pick them up on my comp-account.
Depending on where I park, and where I plan
to play; I will hop on either the MGM/Ballys monorail or the one at
Excal/Luxor/Mandalay. I infrequently use the
Mirage/TI or Bellagio/Monte Carlo trams. |
Thanks again for all the great questions. I hope the
answers were helpful.
Good Luck & Good Skill at the Tables
and in
Life.
The Mad
Professor
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